I Love, Therefore I Project

Dear Maria,

Forgive me my miscue the other day. And just after my mother and I talked about how folks don’t really listen, that they simply project fears or desires or worldviews back at the person talking. Now, I hear my mother counsel me: Listen.

Listen, on more than one occasion I have blurted out my feelings and my thoughts. We all have them. I hate surprise parties. My birthday doesn’t really matter. It’s okay to be alone. More than four people sharing a meal or a get-together is over the limit. Except for Fridays shooting pool and eating lots of fried food. Hahahaha!

By the way, did you ever plant plumbago out by the mail box? If you google it you will see something much more lush than my plants that must cope with the minimum amount of sunlight allowed by planting laws. What I like, other than their unruliness, is how the flowers seem lighted from within both late evening and early morning. They are the first and last flowers to show each day, so to speak. Of course, I have a friend who won’t plant them as they sound like the name of a certain condition.

Now that the school year is up and ticking off days, disappointing some of my friends continues. My retirement is not measuring up. No travel. No subbing. No job. No plans. No hobbies. Sometimes I think I might as well say, “What would you have me do,” and wish them well.

But I did that with you. I took my fear and launched it at you a second time as if you are not an adult that under most circumstances—all really, don’t know why the qualifier—knows what you are doing and lives a good-spirited life. I didn’t listen, the first time.

Somewhere I read a nice take on how we have two ears and just one mouth. Yep, that’s a clue. Then there is that whole look without seeing thing.

I meant well. We mean well. I’ll let other folks discern between when people mean what they are saying and when they are crying out for help through some coded messaging.

Heard you, promise. Hope you hear me loud and clear. I was wrong. I am sorry.

As always, but a bit more so, srk