A Time to Wonder

Dear Maria,

Again, in pleasantly casual conversation yesterday evening, I trotted out my latest catchphrase for retirement: Don’t let them kid you, it’s good, very good. I also remarked that I am not quite one quarter into retirement—after a bit more than 120 quarters of teaching high school English. Some folks measure by coffee spoons, I by class periods, quarters, semesters, school years. Or, I did.

The being unencumbered is, and not so surprisingly, the earth-shaking change. So very little is asked of me these days. Nearly gone are expectations and responsibilities. These days, indeed. The light of morning and then the coming on of the night serve as time’s most meaningful pulse. No bells, barely a nod to the calendar, hardly any sense of deadlines.

Since I don’t wear a watch and don’t keep my phone at hand much less in hand most of the time, the days take on a different rhythm. Mostly, I eat when I am hungry. I sleep when I am sleepy. And that I might sit after breakfast for five minutes or fifteen and just ponder how the roses stretch toward the southwest—well, that is fine, too.

I cannot claim much by way of revelation, but I do know that I have been surprised by how easily what I once did with such focus and energy slips away so that I very nearly believe that it was literally a former life. Begs the question, I suppose, of what endures in a meaningful way.

The heart does. My concern for the well-being of students and colleagues continues to be deeply felt. While I am not with them, I remain for them. The foolishness—a kind word, to be sure—of what goes on in the name of education still rankles, but I do not feel it tearing into my psyche, worrying that wound.

The flickerings of disappointment, frustration, and anger become fainter and fewer. Breathing is how I tout it—time to breathe. Besides, the I Ching several times a week counsels that this is a time of being, not doing. Who am I to blow against the prevailing wind. Or, as I told a young friend last week, I now have time to wonder.

Hope you are well, and as always I am with you and for you.

Just, srk